Goodbye, 2007, and up yours.  I’m over you.

Hello 2008….

Advertisements

Honestly, I have no idea if I’ll end up publishing this post or not. Seeing as how I “broke up” with my blog nearly six months, it’s a little awkward to just start writing again in true Jessi fashion…

I had a pretty stark realization Friday morning. I was with my students at Club 121, and our agenda for the morning was to spend time praying together. We sat in a circle in a dimly lit room, and together entered the throne room. As the students were praying, I began to ask God to reveal things to me. I’ve been at a… disconnect with myself for quite sometime, and a few weeks ago, I finally made the decision to begin fighting for my spirit. Things have come up, closets opened, my heart laid bare, and the other night I began to realize that I was sad- just sad. And I didn’t fully know why. I’ve been trying to be nakedly honest with God in all this- no more pretending, because that doesn’t get either of us anywhere. So I told him I was sad. And I told him again at Club that I’m just sad. And I don’t know what to do with it. For the first time in a long time, I heard a response. The still, small voice said, “You’re mourning the death of your expectations…”

I don’t remember the last time a word “stopped me in my tracks” like this. I had no idea- no idea that this is what’s been underlying for such a long time. Here I am, sad in my selfishness, because the expectations that I had for myself haven’t been met. And that’s not a bad thing- it’s just the truth. I have a good life- a great life, and I really mean that- but I had ideas, plans, hopes… and for the most part, those have gone unmet, unrealized. I didn’t see that my spirit has been mourning them, refusing to allow them to die so that new ideas, plans, and hopes can be built and realized. And this morning, it hit- I need to mourn the death of my expectations to allow myself to fully engage in what the Lord wants to do now.

So, I will be sad, I will mourn, but I will survive. One of the biggest things that I have learned in life is that we have to go through the winter, allowing things to die, so that we can more fully experience the rebirth of spring. So I will go through the winter in expectation that the Lord has great plans for the spring.

It’s good to know I serve the God of life abundant…

Dear Blog,

If we’re being honest with each other, we know this has been a long time coming.  It’s not you- it’s me.  Quite frankly, I just can’t keep up with your demands, and I feel like I’m disappointing everyone in our lives.  At first, everthing was so new, so exciting, and I loved spending time with you.  But things have changed for me.  I know you’ve stayed the same, patiently waiting for me to pay attention to you and being loyal, but I just can’t do it anymore.  I mean, I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.  We can still be friends, but the truth is, I can’t maintain the commitment level we had at the beginning of our relationship.  I hope you won’t shut down on me after all we’ve been through, and we can still see each other occasionally.  I think we both need some time apart, so I’m going to take a trip to give us both some recovery time.  So, thanks for always being so great.  I’ll miss you from time to time, but I know we’ll meet again.

Sincerely,

Jessi

Yes, I’m aware that I suck at blogging lately, but give me two weeks.  Then my first semester of grad school is over and I’ll have a life for a month and I’ll be able to entertain your reading eyes again.  But don’t get used to it.  Because I do have to go back to school the beginning of June…

ANYWAY-   I’m watching TV, and a commercial comes on and the spokesperson declares the product to be “more fun that you can shake a stick at.”

Can anyone explain what the crap that means?…

Well, kids, it’s official.  I done got me a job!!!  I found out yesterday that I’m the newest member of the special education department at LSHS.  Too cool!  They interviewed 3 people for the position- 2 were teachers wanting transfers from other buildings in the district- and I’m the one they picked.  I can’t even tell you what I was thinking when the head of human resources called to offer me the job… 3 years, 3 long years of seeking out what was next, what the Lord had in store, where I’d be going.  And now… I’m a teacher!  It’s going to pretty much rock, and I can’t wait!

Soooo, I just thought you might all like to know how great I am…  Feel free to praise me now.  😉

random lady to an employee in the shoe section of Nordstroms-  “Excuse me, are these the croc flip flops?”

employee- “Yes, maam.”

random lady- “Now, are these one size fits all?…”

huh?  as my mom stated, yes- you put them in hot water and they shrink, or you put them in cold water and they expand…  who asks a question like that?

Beautiful 70 degree day?  Check.

Professor dismissing class at 5:00 pm instead of 7:15 pm?  Check.

Lots of energy to burn?  Check.

Running for the first time of the season?  Check.

Loving every minute of it?  Check.

🙂  I love spring!