funny stuff


If a+b+c=d, solve for d if:

a=running

b=stress fracture (caused by running)

c=patellofemoral pain syndrome (aka runner’s knee)

Does this mean I should stop running?  I dunno.  You do the math.

It’s 2:15.  The school day is over at 2:30.  I have an IEP meeting at 2:45.  With parents.  And other teachers.  And I just realized after going to the bathroom for the first time today (because it’s the first chance i’ve had) that not only am I wearing a white skirt,  but I’m also wearing blue underwear…

I’m walking thru the hallway to my office today (that’s right, i’ve started another long term high school subbing position… and i love it) and I see a student wearing a white shirt with black lettering that says, “JESUS LOVES THE HELL OUT OF YOU”.

Response #1- A burst of laughter

Response #2- Wait, is that school appropriate?

Response #3- Who cares? That’s hilarious!

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And I quote: “I wish I had a ninja outfit for times like these… Don’t you?”

Yes, John. Yes, I do…

After church today, my friend Nick asked me if I knew of anywhere he could get a silver ring for $10 or so. His wedding ring didn’t fit right and is in the process of being remade, and he’s had some unwelcomed attention that a wedding ring would ward off. I just so happened to have a silver ring in my purse that fit him, and rather than him spend money on a ring that he’s only going to wear for a couple of weeks, I’m letting him borrow it until his comes in. What’s this silver ring, you ask? Oh, just my purity ring. I told him that I trust him with it, but if he loses it, I’m going to kill him. So, he said, “If anything happens to it, are you screwed or something?…”

Good wording, Nick. Good wording…

Soooo, today I completed what could be my most favorite skirt I’ve ever made.  Seriously, it’s the coolest, and it didn’t turn out at all as I had planned.  Possibly the best part!  But, that’s not the funny part.  I was sewing a headband to match my totally rockin’ skirt, and my grandma was sitting beside me at the table.  Since I don’t use patterns when I sew, I tend to have some hiccups from time to time, and tonight was one of those times.  I realized that I did the stitching totally the wrong way, and when I jack up sewing, I get really frustrated, soooooo, I looked at the headband and said, “Son of a bitch!”  My grandma immediately gasped in horror and said, “What did you just say?”  and I repeated myself.  Hey, she asked.  Then she looked at me like the world had just ended and said, “Jessica, I’ve never heard you talk that way!” to which I responded, “You’ve never seen me sew.”  Ah, if she only knew…

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the refreshment table… (these guys were serious)
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Tim and I owning the show…  (please note the argyle socks and the unintentional matching outfits)

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Tim and I sporting our amazing croquet styles.  How ’bout that lace umbrella, huh?…

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What croquet match is complete without a man smoking a pipe?

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Croquet at night… with a mallet as the tripod.  (good work, Tim)

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The trophy for the winning team, which sadly was not awarded due to a rainout.

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Tim enjoying his TCBY.  I think the table is juuuuust his size!

I think this might have been the coolest thing I’ve ever done in KC.  These guys sure know how to party, and even if it wasn’t a for serious date date, that Tim sure knows how to treat a lady!  All in all, I’ll call the evening a success.  Absolutely fabulous! (said in a snooty accent…)

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