July 2006


i wish i had something profound to say.

i wish certainty would come around my life more often.

i wish i hadn’t almost fallen out of bed last night.

i wish things could change without me crying.

i wish i could hold onto every memory like it happened yesterday.

i wish i could paint my heart.

i wish my head wasn’t scattered.

i wish i could fly.

i wish i could eat a mudhouse muffin every morning and big bowl of ice cream every night and not worry about getting fat.

i wish i could see the strength that the Lord gives me.

i wish…

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I’m sitting here at a computer, dodging life by wasting time.  I don’t want to go downstairs- there’s a TV and I’d just be wasting brain cells.  I don’t really want to leave- then I’d probably spend money, which I don’t have much of, and it’s hotter than hot out.  I don’t want to sit in quiet- then I’d realize I’m alone and I’d probably have to acknowledge the thoughts bouncing around my head.  I don’t want to read for fear that it would stimulate me, and then lead me back to that thinking thing… So I sit at a computer, playing spider solitare, looking at worthless websites, listening to Christy Nockles sing “captivate us, set our eyes on You… devestate us with Your presence falling down” wondering why I’m wondering what I’m going to do for the next 6 hours on this Sabbath.  Why is it that in the times that the Lord wants to deal with you most, you have the biggest tendency to think you can hide from Him?  Maybe the silence wouldn’t be so bad after all…

I’m out.  My travels are taking me to Colorado, and I couldn’t be more excited, unless there was a private jet taking me there.  I’ll be spending the week with the men of No Longer Quiet and with one of my bff’s, Christen.  Good times will be had by all!  I’ll miss you all greatly, but don’t fret, for my return is inevitable.  Enjoy your weeks, my faithful readers, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll store up some stories for you all to enjoy!

i just fell down the stairs.  in the dark.  i kind of hurt.  and i woke my mom up…  owie.

Deuteronomy 6:5- You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

What does it mean to love God with all your soul? Seriously, I’m really looking for feedback here. Leave me a comment, shoot me an email, give me a call… whatever mode of communication you would like to use. I’m exploring each part of this commandment, and am kind of left in this condition of “hmmmmmm…” on the soul one. I think it’s going to be good stuff when it does come, but for now, all I’ve got is “hmmmmmm…” Anything you got would be great. Thanks.

Soooo, today I completed what could be my most favorite skirt I’ve ever made.  Seriously, it’s the coolest, and it didn’t turn out at all as I had planned.  Possibly the best part!  But, that’s not the funny part.  I was sewing a headband to match my totally rockin’ skirt, and my grandma was sitting beside me at the table.  Since I don’t use patterns when I sew, I tend to have some hiccups from time to time, and tonight was one of those times.  I realized that I did the stitching totally the wrong way, and when I jack up sewing, I get really frustrated, soooooo, I looked at the headband and said, “Son of a bitch!”  My grandma immediately gasped in horror and said, “What did you just say?”  and I repeated myself.  Hey, she asked.  Then she looked at me like the world had just ended and said, “Jessica, I’ve never heard you talk that way!” to which I responded, “You’ve never seen me sew.”  Ah, if she only knew…

I’ve decided to call my 28th year of existance “The Year of the Wayward Traveler”.  Colorado in a week (so excited!), Korea in 3 weeks (seriously, so excited!) and possibly Africa in February and March… anybody want to go with me?

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