November 2006

This has been potentially the most unnerving day of my life.  I’m sitting here almost numb, unable to really compute what’s going on or what to think of it.  Yesterday morning, a student was taken into custody for possession of a firearm at my school.  Thanks to a tip and our amazing administration, there was no incident, no threats were made, but a student brought a gun to school.  We didn’t know any more than that.  Today before 1st hour, I began to put two and two together.  The student taken into custody was one of mine.  He was taken into custody 3rd hour… I have him 2nd.  I have the student that might have provoked him 1st.  Yesterday in class, I tripped over his backpack sitting in the aisle.  Could I have accidently triggered something if the gun had been in there?  He brushed me as he came in late.  Was is in his coat?  There was a gun in my classroom.  In my classroom.  In my classroom…  Some areas you consider to be sacred, safe, untouchable.  My school is one of those places.  Thank God for a tip and a fast acting administration that kept it safe.  But something like this still changes things…  I can’t help but think of all the what ifs.  Is there something I could have done differently?  Were there warning signs that I didn’t catch, or ignored?  What if something had happened between the two classes?  One of the worst things is I can’t get the thought of one of my students pointing a gun at another of my students, whom I happen to adore, out of my head.  What is our world coming to?  Who decided it was a good idea to resolve things with a gun?  Why can’t there be anything sacred any more?  I’m fully aware of the “answers” to these questions, but… it’s just different when you’re face to face with something like this.  I want to be able to go to bed without having thoughts of the day running through my head, without feeling like I’m constantly on the verge of tears, my sense of security rocked.  I want to wake up and go to work thinking that nothing could happen at MY school.  I want to feel safe in the halls, to know that my students are safe, to know that my co-workers are safe.  But, right now, I just… can’t.  I know my perspective will eventually be regained and that rationality will once again take root, but right now, it’s hard.  So, tomorrow, I’ll go to work, with a little bit more fear than normal, but amazingly still loving what I do, and I’ll try to take more notice.  I’ll try to love on these kiddos a little more.  And I try to let Jesus be Jesus through me, reminding me and showing the kiddos where our security comes from.

What a day…


My dad and I had some QBT tonight- Quality Bonding Time.  We were discussing my inclination to feel like the bastard step child in the family, and he was doing his best to reassure me in the way that only men can do- by trying to come up with solutions.  So, we talked, and I let him do the man thing to the best of my female ability.  Towards the end of our conversation, he says, “Jess, we have something we’ve never told you.”  (i knew something good was coming- my dad can come up with bull shit like you wouldn’t even believe…)  “You’re adopted.”  Me- “So, that’s why I look like my mom, and have my dad’s chicken legs and non-existent butt?  Oh, and that’s why I act just like mom and you put together?  Okay, dad.”  Him- “No, really.  You’re adopted.”  Me- “You’re so funny.”  Him- “We didn’t want to tell you, but I felt like now was a good time.”  Me- “At least I know why I feel like the bastard step child sometimes.”  Him- “It’s because you are.”

Man, my dad is a funny guy.

I’m really digging this teaching thing.  I’m going to be really sad when I leave this job, even though my 4th hour makes me want to rip off my ears so I don’t have to hear them sometimes. But, I love it- bad days and all. So, the decision has been made, folks. I’m a goin’ back to school. That’s right. One degree isn’t enough for Jessi. She needs  a master’s to go along with it.  (since her bachelor’s is completely worthless… go psychology).  I’m hopefully starting at UMKC in January, and it’ll take me 3 years to be out with my masters.  Who would have thought?  Me.  With a master’s degree.  The coolest part is, I can start teaching in the fall on a provisional certificate, so if all goes well and the opening is there, I’m going to be a teacher next August!   It’s pretty cool to see how the Lord has been orchestrating all of this, despite my stubborn, selfish heart right now. 2 lead teachers are currently willing to go to bat for me to be on staff here at LSHS, and have had multiple conversations with our principal, who’s made it clear with both of them that he (the principal) wants me on staff here as well.  So cool.  I’m just praying that a position will open, because it would just rock.  It’s nice to feel like I’ve figured out what I want to do and to be on the path to doing it. And it only took me 2 1/2 years to get here…  Better late than never, right?  It’s been fun seeing the “teacher within” come out over the last sememster, too.  You know those teacher sayings that you always used to roll your eyes at?  Yeah, I say them.  And I say them with pride.  Over and over until the students are rolling their eyes at me!  You know that teacher that wouldn’t let you turn in late work even though you had a really good excuse (even though there really is no good excuse)?  Yeah, that’s me now.  I used to be a pushover- “Oh, just turn it in when you get the chance.”  “Sure, I’ll take your assignment that’s 2 months late!”  “No, you won’t be penalized for being lazy.”  Not so much anymore.  Now it’s “Sorry, should have thought about that yesterday when you had class time and last night when you could have gotten it done and in your study hall when you’re supposed to be working on homework.  Bummer.”  HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!  You know those shoes that teachers wear?  That’s something I’ll never cross over to.  😉  So, wish me luck, because if there’s anything that a girl working 2 jobs and not doing a very good job maintaining sanity needs, it’s graduate classes.  Wait, what am I thinking?!?!?… 

What up, my dawgs. This goes out to the 3 people who miss me blogging. HOLLA!

Here’s your tip for the day- If you’re looking for a place to go dancing, you probably shouldn’t go to America’s Pub, unless you want to see some really inappropriate stuff on the dance floor. And you also shouldn’t drop your drink. And if it’s cold out, you shouldn’t put your long sleeved shirt on the ground, because when you pick it back up, there’s a good chance it’ll be wet and you won’t be able to wear it. And after you go to Denny’s at 2 am and eat food that you normally would never eat, and you’re standing outside of the car in 35 degree weather wearing your tank top waiting because your BFF’s boyfriend won’t unlock the car until you sing “I’m a little teapot”, just sing the stupid song because then he’ll unlock the car. And when you’re driving home at 3:30 am, try your hardest to fight off the urge to go to sleep, because you shouldn’t sleep at 70 mph.  And if you make an agreement at Denny’s with the other 3 people you’re with that you’re all going to sleep naked that night just for the experience, don’t do it, because there’s a really good chance that you’ll get cold.

I guess that was 6 tips for the day…