January 2007


I can’t believe I’m about to say this…

WHY IS SCHOOL CANCELLED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M GOING STIR CRAZY IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone, meet Sarah-sarah-1.jpg

Sarah, this is everyone… sarah-2.jpg

Sarah is my adorable 15 year old cousin. Sarah and I share the best middle name in the whole wide world… Jean. Sarah and I are both total dorks. Sarah and I have been spending a lot of time together lately. Sarah and I make a fun combination!

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Last Sunday night, I went and picked up Sarah in Gower, and we headed up to St Joe, which is only 15 minutes from Gower, to hang out. We drove around for a little bit trying to figure out where we were going, and we finally landed at Cheddars. The food was good, the conversation was great, and the waiter was weird… Anyway, after Cheddars, we were heading back to Gower (because what else is there to do in st joe on a sunday night?) when we passed the Hallmark- the closed Hallmark. Sarah then YELLS out, “Wait! Go back! I want to go look through the dumpster!” Me- “You’re weird.” BUT, due to Sarah’s persistance and my curiousity, we turned around and headed for the back of the store. Apparently, one of Sarah’s friends found a WHOLE candle set when she went dumpster diving that matched her room!!!! Oh, to be 15 again… So, Sarah gets out of the car, when it’s like 30 degrees outside, wearing shorts and flip flops, and starts digging through the dumpster.

dumpster-sarah2.jpgdumpster-sarah.jpg

How’s that for proof? Unfortunately, her search turned up empty. Who would have thought? We had to try though, because you never know when a treasure might be waiting just underneath all the empty boxes… Ah, that’s my girl!

I was sitting in the library today during first hour when I overheard one of the librarians talking about a wreck that happened involving three students from LSW.  One of them, a 16 year old boy, was killed.  I was shocked at how quickly everything came back- everything, and so vividly.  My immediate thoughts went to the family and what the next week will bring for them.  The phone calls, the funeral arrangements, the cards, the emotion.  I thought I had a grasp of what dealing with death looked like, but after Abbie’s death, I realized that I had no idea- none.  It’s one of those things that you’ll never know until you’re in the situation.  Even then, you still don’t know what to do.  It’s been over a month now, and I keep thinking, when does it stop?  Truth be told, I don’t think it does.  It just gets easier… hopefully.  The past week has been hard for some reason.  Tuesday night I was driving home from yoga and the Rascal Flatts song “My Wish” came on. As I was listening, I knew I knew the song, and I knew it was associated with something sad, but I couldn’t place it. When I finally put it together, I lost it. At Christmas, we watched a picture DVD that a family friend had put together of pictures of Abbie, and “My Wish” was the last song on it- they said the song was Abbie’s wish for us. Next time you hear that song, listen to it with that as your thought… yeah, it’s a little overwhelming. The more I thought, the more upset I became. I’ve been asking the why questions lately… Why did a friend of mine have an accident almost identical to what happened with Abbie, yet they both walked away fine? Why did I let so much time pass without spending time with her? Why did it happen? Why, why why?… And I know that it’s not my place to question God- who am I? It’s hard not to be mad, not to ask. And it’s hard not to feel like I could have and should have been more involved in her life.  It’s just… hard.  And still so fresh.  So, now, I’ll pray for Tyler’s family, for the things they’ll have to face, for the grief and healing process that they’re going to go through, and I’ll pray knowing that there aren’t words, but the Lord still knows what I mean…

I’m officially starting my master’s program on Monday night!!!  Hooray for back to school…  It’s really kind of strange, going back and all, but I’m doing it.  In my undergrad years, I was the kid that was lucky to open a book for one of my classes, let alone actually read it.  (sorry, mom… but you probably already knew the truth)  I got a couple of my books last night during my enrollment-advisement-financial office-back to enrollment-advisement again-bookstore fiasco, and before classes even start, I’ve already read the first chapter in both of them…  and I’m interested in what they’re saying.  I’m not quite sure how to handle this whole “interested in education” thing.  It’s new.  Kind of foreign.  Kind of freaky.  But very welcome at the same time!  I’m sure it makes a huge difference when you know you’re actually going to be using the information that you’re learning, and when you actually want to learn it.  However, I’ve never done master’s classes, so I’m not sure what to expect.  I keep having these visions that on the first day of classes I end up like Elle Woods in “Legally Blonde”- you know, she’s the only unprepared one in the class and the teacher makes a fool of her and kicks her out.  Only I’m not a petite blonde with big boobs and a fancy convertible and a chihuahua who’s fighting some other chick for the rock.  I just want to be a teacher.  And I’m guessing there’s no rock involved.  Sad day.  But there are great benefits, so I’ll settle for that for now!  It’s definitely going to be interesting figuring out how juggle everything this semester- between subbing, photography, and class 3 nights a week, I think I’ll manage to keep myself busy…  (since that’s such a stretch for me)  Back to school, back to homework, back to papers, back to FUN!!!  From now on, you can just call me a Kangaroo!  GO ‘ROOS!  (who choses a kangaroo for a mascot anyway?  apparently umkc does…)