i wish i had something profound to say.
i wish certainty would come around my life more often.
i wish i hadn’t almost fallen out of bed last night.
i wish things could change without me crying.
i wish i could hold onto every memory like it happened yesterday.
i wish i could paint my heart.
i wish my head wasn’t scattered.
i wish i could fly.
i wish i could eat a mudhouse muffin every morning and big bowl of ice cream every night and not worry about getting fat.
i wish i could see the strength that the Lord gives me.
i wish…
I’m sitting here at a computer, dodging life by wasting time. I don’t want to go downstairs- there’s a TV and I’d just be wasting brain cells. I don’t really want to leave- then I’d probably spend money, which I don’t have much of, and it’s hotter than hot out. I don’t want to sit in quiet- then I’d realize I’m alone and I’d probably have to acknowledge the thoughts bouncing around my head. I don’t want to read for fear that it would stimulate me, and then lead me back to that thinking thing… So I sit at a computer, playing spider solitare, looking at worthless websites, listening to Christy Nockles sing “captivate us, set our eyes on You… devestate us with Your presence falling down” wondering why I’m wondering what I’m going to do for the next 6 hours on this Sabbath. Why is it that in the times that the Lord wants to deal with you most, you have the biggest tendency to think you can hide from Him? Maybe the silence wouldn’t be so bad after all…
I’m out. My travels are taking me to Colorado, and I couldn’t be more excited, unless there was a private jet taking me there. I’ll be spending the week with the men of No Longer Quiet and with one of my bff’s, Christen. Good times will be had by all! I’ll miss you all greatly, but don’t fret, for my return is inevitable. Enjoy your weeks, my faithful readers, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll store up some stories for you all to enjoy!
i just fell down the stairs. in the dark. i kind of hurt. and i woke my mom up… owie.
Deuteronomy 6:5- You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
What does it mean to love God with all your soul? Seriously, I’m really looking for feedback here. Leave me a comment, shoot me an email, give me a call… whatever mode of communication you would like to use. I’m exploring each part of this commandment, and am kind of left in this condition of “hmmmmmm…” on the soul one. I think it’s going to be good stuff when it does come, but for now, all I’ve got is “hmmmmmm…” Anything you got would be great. Thanks.
Soooo, today I completed what could be my most favorite skirt I’ve ever made. Seriously, it’s the coolest, and it didn’t turn out at all as I had planned. Possibly the best part! But, that’s not the funny part. I was sewing a headband to match my totally rockin’ skirt, and my grandma was sitting beside me at the table. Since I don’t use patterns when I sew, I tend to have some hiccups from time to time, and tonight was one of those times. I realized that I did the stitching totally the wrong way, and when I jack up sewing, I get really frustrated, soooooo, I looked at the headband and said, “Son of a bitch!” My grandma immediately gasped in horror and said, “What did you just say?” and I repeated myself. Hey, she asked. Then she looked at me like the world had just ended and said, “Jessica, I’ve never heard you talk that way!” to which I responded, “You’ve never seen me sew.” Ah, if she only knew…
I’ve decided to call my 28th year of existance “The Year of the Wayward Traveler”. Colorado in a week (so excited!), Korea in 3 weeks (seriously, so excited!) and possibly Africa in February and March… anybody want to go with me?
All afternoon, I sat in the company of people that, well, I quite frankly have no idea who they are. It’s called a family reunion, folks. My grandma (dad’s mom) decided to put on a little lunch deal for all of her side of the family, aaaaaand, well, I seem to be included in that. I haven’t seen these people since I was MAYBE ten. Probably younger. Guess what I heard a lot of? “My goodness, you’re so tall!” Really. I hadn’t been aware of that for the majority of my existance. “You just get prettier every time I see you!” Hm, sooooo… actually, I’m going to leave that one alone. “Look at your pretty red hair!” Never heard that before. “You don’t remember me, do you?” Well, I haven’t seen you in OVER FIFTEEN YEARS. No. My favorite interaction happened with Barbara, who I believe is my dad’s cousin. She walked up to me and said, “You’re Jessica, right?” (my grandma is the only person in this world that still calls me jessica. and i really hate it.) I responded in the affirmative, and she said, “I just want you to know that I’m praying for you.” I thought that was pretty cool, so I said, “Thank you very much. I appreciate that a lot.” Her response? “Don’t worry. He’ll come along soon…” WHAT?!?!?!?!? Ug. Rggggggg. Grrrrrrr. GHAIOWEU WA! Just because I’m 27 and single does not mean that I’m diseased. It doesn’t mean that I’m dysfunctional. It doesn’t mean that I need a man soon because otherwise I won’t be a complete person who can’t stand on her own. How stinking frustrating. I just looked at her and said, “Yeah, we’ll see!” and went back to cutting the cake. Later on, I guess she thought I was leaving because she looked at me and said, “Things will get better!” Huh? I’m sure her intentions were noble, but seriously, people. This is precisely why I wasn’t looking forward to this event. At least no one pinched my cheeks…
the refreshment table… (these guys were serious)
Tim and I owning the show… (please note the argyle socks and the unintentional matching outfits)
Tim and I sporting our amazing croquet styles. How ’bout that lace umbrella, huh?…
What croquet match is complete without a man smoking a pipe?
Croquet at night… with a mallet as the tripod. (good work, Tim)
The trophy for the winning team, which sadly was not awarded due to a rainout.
Tim enjoying his TCBY. I think the table is juuuuust his size!
I think this might have been the coolest thing I’ve ever done in KC. These guys sure know how to party, and even if it wasn’t a for serious date date, that Tim sure knows how to treat a lady! All in all, I’ll call the evening a success. Absolutely fabulous! (said in a snooty accent…)
Soooo, I was just invited to “Bring a Nice Girl to Croquet” night by Tim, a friend from my church. We’ll be playing croquet in the median of 55th and Ward Parkway tonight. How amazing is that. Now I just have to figure out what women wear to play croquet…
