What is this life but a passionate engagement?…

We receive communion every week at my church. It’s one of the (many) things that really drew me into Jacob’s Well. I came out of a church where communion was only served once a month and at a separate service from the normal corporate worship service, and it was something that I missed terribly. I love the experience- the recognition of Christ’s sacrifice- and I love experiencing it as a body, a collective act of worship.

There are 6 people who serve communion to our body of believers. The servers always make a concentrated effort to make contact with the people they’re serving- eye contact, a smile, words reminding us what we’re partaking in. Sometimes, we take it in silence. Sometimes, we receive the elements, take them from the person who just served us, and then turn and serve the next person. Sometimes, we take it in groups as we go up front. There’s always couples who go and receive communion at the same time, friends with arms around each other, hugs of encouragement. It’s beautiful act of corporate (and individual) worship. I love watching people- seeing people receive the body and the blood and how they react to that. I always sit towards the front, so I take communion towards the end, and it’s such a blessing to me to see this whole process go down. One of my favorite parts is seeing the floor at the front of the sanctuary when it’s all said and done- crumbs that fell from the bread as it was torn and drops of juice that fell to the carpet from the soaked bread. I love to just sit and look at it- to see a reminder of the sacrifice that was made for us, and the invitation that we have to join in that sacrifice and to celebrate it together; to see brokenness- the brokenness that Christ experienced, the brokenness that we all bring to the table. At the end, no one can stand there and pick out their individual crumbs or which spot of juice fell from their bread- they all mix together and create something more, something in my mind that is the art of the Lord. I look at that floor and am reminded that I’m not in this alone, that not only has the Lord provided the sacrifice that my humanity so desperately needed, but also I have a body of people around me who need the act of communion just as much as I do, and that we can hold onto each other in this journey of faith.

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body which is broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. 1 Corinthians 11:23-26

if the sky is looking rather ominous and you want to go on a bike ride, you should reconsider.

should you choose to go on that bike ride anyway, if you see lightening, you should go back home.

should you choose to continue despite the flashes of light shooting from the clouds, you should definitely plan on getting wet.  very wet.

2278… to 700… to 622… to 548… Good enough…

and now let the retouch begin… :^0

I love waking up in the morning to quiet- laying in bed, praying, thinking, processing, preparing for the day- all in quiet.  Since Ang has been back at work and the kiddos have come to Nana and Papa’s playhouse, my morning silence has… well, vanished.  (if you’ve ever met my nephew, you understand.  if you haven’t, imagine the loudest kid in the world.  multiply that by 10, but imagine him being too adorable to be irritated with.  that’s gavyn.)  This morning as I was being roused by the stomping of little feet on the floor above me, my tired little soul was crying out for silence.  So I went on a walk.  While enjoying the silence on the walk, I decided to extend that silence into the rest of my day.  I wasn’t going to listen to the radio or turn on the TV- just enjoy silence.  I knew I was going to have to do a lot of driving today, so I thought it would be great time to engage in conversation with the Lord and bring some much needed restoration into my aforementioned tired little soul.  Let me tell you- today’s silence was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time.  In the words of Henri Nouwen, “The trouble is, as soon as you sit and become quiet, you think, Oh, I forgot this.  I should call my friend. Later on I’m going to see him.  Your inner life is like a banana tree filled with monkeys jumping up and down.”  Well, hello monkeys.  It makes me sad that I have trouble silencing my soul long enough to listen, to go beyond talking and into really hearing the still, small voice of the Lord.  I get so caught up in junk and it’s hard for me to sort through all the noise in my head, so I take the easy road.  I plug in a CD.  I turn on the TV.  I sit in front of the computer.  I call someone.  Not that these things are bad in and of themselves, but where is my escape?  Where is my comfort found?  The discipline of silence S-U-C-K-S.  That’s why it’s called a discipline.  However, I’m going to make a more concentrated effort to engage in it, because in the silence, God is allowed to speak.  In the silence, I allow myself to listen.  And in the silence, I will grow and come to look more like my Jesus.  That sounds pretty good to me…

Why, yes, I believe I would. Inspired by my readers, I bring you…

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits: He Will Come- Waterdeep

Waking up: Arise- Shane and Shane

Average day: Born to Fly- Sarah Evans

First date: For My Love- Bethany Dillon

Falling in love: Falling for the First Time- Barenaked Ladies OR Everyday- Jill Phillips

Love scene: Something in the Way She Moves- James Taylor

Fight scene: Drum Trip- Rusted Root

Breaking up: The First Cut is the Deepest- Sheryl Crow

Getting back together: How Sweet It Is- James Taylor

Secret love: Camel Walk- Southern Culture on the Skids

Life’s okay: Long Time Gone- Dixie Chicks

Mental breakdown: When It Comes- Incubus

Driving: Anything off of B-Ray’s Hip Hop Jams (disc one or volume two…)

Learning a lesson: Blessed Be- Matt Redman

Deep thought: And- Waterdeep

Flashback: Lead of Love- Caedmon’s Call

Partying: All I Wanna Do- Sheryl Crow

Happy dance: The Happy Song- David Crowder Band

Regreting: Come to Me- Jill Paquette

Long night alone: I Just Need You- Waterdeep

Death scene: J Train- Toby Mac and Kirk Franklin

Closing credits: Livin’ La Vida Loca- Ricky Martin…

That was harder than I thought it would be. And I fear that I may not have nailed all the songs… if you have a better idea for one of these, let me know and I’ll definitely consider revising.

YOU KNOW YOU’RE TIRED WHEN… speed scrabble just becomes too much to handle… you’re trying to leave for church and you’re searching all over the house for your keys… that are in your hand… a cute boy at church introduces himself and tries to strike up conversation with you and you say, “thanks!” and walk away… you mess up the recipe for banana bread that you’ve made for over 10 years… you burn your stomach on the loaf pan containing the banana bread you just pulled out of the oven… sentences are coming together in your brain, but when you try to verbalize them, you lose it…

HUZZAH!!!!!! I do love shooting weddings… however I do not love the brain dysfunction that follows…

nap time… ahhhh, quiet!  Yesterday and today, Taylor has been a little fussy.  Apparently, she's a bit on the constipated side, or so we think.  She's been crying when she's not hungry or dirty, so I'm left to sit and figure out what's wrong and try to help.  But how do you help when you don't know what's really wrong or what's going on?  Maybe she just feels like making noise.  Maybe her tummy hurts.  Maybe she's tired of wearing pink all the time.  But yesterday and today got me thinking…

Do we ever really grow up?  As I was laying on the couch with Taylor yesterday and she was crying, I was looking at her thinking, "I wish you could tell me what's going on so that I could help you or try to fix it."  It's just frustrating when you know that something's wrong, but you don't know exactly what it is and you can't really do anything.  Then I started thinking about Gavyn.  He still doesn't verbalize what's really going on very well, so a lot of times we play the  guess-the-problem-till-Gavyn-says-yes game.  That takes a while sometimes…  Then I started thinking about my relationships with others- family, friends, past significant others- and I realized that this is something that plagues us even into (and through) adulthood.  Rather than tell people what's going on or talking about problems or awkward situations, we play the guessing game.  We don't communicate our thoughts, our feelings, what's really going on inside our heads.  And if we do, most of the time it's done like we still can't verbalize things very well.  So, do we really ever grow up?  Just thoughts, really.  I'm not expecting to change the world or communication among humans as we know it.  Just thoughts…  and all of this from looking into the teary-eyed face of a beautiful baby girl…  

now that's wedding photography at its finest, folks… seriously.

It’s nap time. Thank God. Gavyn fought me all the way, but I fought back. And with a fantastic weapon- the pacifier… Taylor is currently sleeping on my lap… well, sleeping, then opening her eyes, then making a few grunting noises, then sleeping… repeat process. Today, we ventured to the park. No big deal, right? Not right. Allow me to give you the reader’s digest version of our adventure… Change two dirty diapers, get to park, feed Taylor, pause feeding to change Taylor, change Taylor again immediately, realize I only have one diaper left and it’s only 11 am, resume feeding, run to Gavyn who’s crying under the playground, kiss Gavyn’s head because he walked straight into a metal bar, try to juggle feeding in the midst of the kissing and crying, put Gavyn in a swing while still holding Taylor, get Gavyn out of the swing while still holding Taylor, kiss Gavyn’s head again after running straight into the same metal bar, convince Gavyn it’s time to go, go to HyVee, enter diaper isle, try to figure out what type of diapers Taylor wears, tell Gavyn he can’t have the toy he’s holding saying, “I want this” looking at me with those two and a half year old eyes, purchase diapers, carry very tired nephew in one arm and car seat in the other arm out to the car, come home… Holy cow, I never thought a trip to the park and grocery store could exhaust a person so much! But, I’m loving it. These two kiddos are perhaps the coolest kiddos in the world, and I’m loving every minute of it! The only question I have is when’s my nap time?…

Today, I…

-got to watch Gavyn throw a fit while Ang left… twice…

-changed quite a few diapers.

-held a baby wipe under Taylor… as she pooped into it. A lot.

-got kicked as I pushed Gavyn in the swing.

-made Scooby Doo mac and cheese.

-got to cuddle with Gavyn after he woke up from his nap. I love that.

-got to cuddle with Taylor whenever I wanted to. I love that, too.

-showered very quickly while there were two sleeping children, and still had time to shave- that’s time management!

-looked at a baby for the first time ever and thought, I have no idea why you’re crying and your mom isn’t here and now I have to figure out what to do!

-was called “bad dog!” Funny stuff.

-played Elmo computer games.

-watched a lot of Sponge Bob.

-realized that I really will love motherhood. I can’t wait… but I guess I’m going to have to…

-kissed my beautiful neice and nephew good-bye and said, “We’ll play again tomorrow!”

What a great day!